ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
