In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
