Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
