I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
