:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
