he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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