I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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