mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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