i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
