saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
