2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
