thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
