Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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