Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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