Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
