you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
