yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
