hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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