i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
