Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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