That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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