He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
