That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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