Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
