i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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