Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
