i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
