He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
