Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
