Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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