I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You don't make any sense
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