Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
