I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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