oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
