I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
