my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
