I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
