Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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