sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
