I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
