Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
