i barfeds in our rink
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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