i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
