Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
