My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
