The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
