I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
