haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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