So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
