Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
