did you get engaged???
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
