My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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