If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This baby is an asshole
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
