Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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