Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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