you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
