carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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