yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
