it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
