just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
