Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
