we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
