Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When are your genitals available?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
