I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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