Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
