for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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