I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
