I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im holly from the hills drunk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
