we made out on top of his cat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
