Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
