What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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