hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
