U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
