already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize