can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
