Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
