she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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