chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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