Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
