Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
