New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
