I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
