hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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