My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
